Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
