ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
