I wish my penis had an off switch
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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