Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
