I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
