Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
