He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
