What did we do last night that was yellow?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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