the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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