I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
