I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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