I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
