this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
