Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize