it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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