I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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