life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Randomize
