Non-Jews are for practice
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
