I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
