I just pynch a tree in the face
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i think i just lost a toe
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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