dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
