i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
