I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
