I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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