I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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