When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize