He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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