i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Everclear isn't food dammit
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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