I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
