No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize