let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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