So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
