worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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