so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
