he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
