Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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