You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
