I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
