I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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