guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
