Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
