I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Randomize
