you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
