just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
