Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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