Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize