i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
