So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
