what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
