i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
