My brain says no but my pants say off.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
