oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
