The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
