I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
