HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
