how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
