So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
