their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
