the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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