It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it was like eating out sand paper
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i now understand why vodka
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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