First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
