I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I got chris browned last night
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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