Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
