its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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